Inner Turmoil
by Lady Grimms
Summary: Chapter 14 is not an update. It is simply a response to comments made by reviewers.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Inner Turmoil Part 1/? Author: Lady Grimms Email: ladygrimms@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: Bonnie is sick, and finds she faces a life or death decision. An aspect of this came from The Secret Vampire. Since the characters all belong to L. J. Smiths anyway, it all meshes into a nice pile of warm, happy goo. Enjoy! Rating: PG-13  
  
Based on: Vampire Diaries. Everything and everyone mentioned in this story belongs to L. J. Smith  
  
Spoilers: VD (A bit of NW)  
  
Chapter One:  
  
Bonnie sat in an uncomfortable chair, waiting to hear the results from her examination. She knew it was bad, worse in fact. Her grandmother's prediction kept running back and forth across her mind.  
  
She had told no one of the fevers, weakness. Not even Matt, who had been her steady boyfriend since two years ago. She wouldn't have been able to handle the pity in anyone's eyes.  
  
She jumped as the doctor's office door opened.  
  
"Miss McCullough? If you could join Dr. Wakefield in his office?"  
  
Bonnie stood on trembling legs and walked towards the office. She already knew what was going to be said. She could see it on the face of the nurse.  
  
She took her place in front of his desk.  
  
"I'm sorry to tell you this but your test results were positive. You do have Adult acute myeloid leukemia. You once mentioned that another member of your family had died of cancer."  
  
"A distant relative died recently from it."  
  
"The type?"  
  
Pancreatic."  
  
Dr. Wakefield watched her silently. Finally, he said, "Normally we start to take the steps toward sending a patient to chemo, radiology or anything that would help the survival rate." He paused and said, "The amount of immature blast in your system is terribly alarming. We recommend that you come in for treatment as soon as possible."  
  
Bonnie swallowed nervously. "What are my chances?"  
  
Dr. Wakefield lifted up his hands and dropped them in his lap. "I'm afraid that it is hard to say for it varies from patient to patient. AML can be quite aggressive so as I mentioned before, your only chance is to come in for treatment as soon as possible."  
  
"I see." Her voice sounded hollow.  
  
"Is there anyone to take you home?"  
  
"I'll be fine. I don't have far to go."  
  
"I truly think it would be best if we called you a cab. Nurse, would you-"  
  
"No!" Bonnie shouted.  
  
The doctor jerked like she'd hit him. His eyes were mildly glazed. "Right. You'll be fine."  
  
The nurse was looking at the doctor like he'd lost his mind but before the woman could act; Bonnie picked up her purse, shoved the folder into her bag and was out the door. She quickly rushed through the office and down the hallway towards the elevator. Just when she was about to reach it she decided to take the stairs instead, not wanting to see anyone right now.  
  
She reached her car and jumped in. She dumped her purse and stared at the folder like it was something alien. An irrational urge to tear it up took hold but instead she opened up her glove box and shoved it in, not caring that the pictures inside would be damaged.  
  
Unfortunately, she had a party to attend. Elena and Stefan's happy return from Europe.  
  
Bonnie finally felt all her strength flow out of her and she leant her head back onto the headrest. She had to tell matt.  
  
Finally, she found her keys and started her car, heading towards the outskirts of town and Mrs. Flowers Boarding House.  
  
*********  
  
"Your sure she said, she'd be here," Caroline asked Meredith for the third time.  
  
"I told you she has a doctor's appointment."  
  
Caroline smiled slyly. "Wonder why?"  
  
Meredith almost lost her cool exterior when she understood what Caroline was implying. Finally, she couldn't hold it in and started to laugh. Stefan watched her oddly but turned his attention back to Elena and Matt. The two were standing a small distance away from the gathered guests, talking in low voices.  
  
Meredith stopped laughing and eyed them. To anyone, it was obvious that Matt still had feelings for Elena but tried to hide it as best he could. He was failing miserably.  
  
She hoped that Bonnie wouldn't see what was obvious to everyone else.  
  
The mere thought of her best friend, seemed to conjure her out of the silent, cool evening air. The small Volkswagen bug pulled up beside the sleek Porsche.  
  
Meredith frowned when she noticed how long it was taking Bonnie to get out. Finally, the door wrenched open and she stepped into the night air. The slight redhead was wearing a short flowered dress with little straps. It was odd, but she actually looked thinner than normal.  
  
What had Meredith walking swiftly towards her was when she saw Bonnie pull out a pack of cigarettes and light one. In all her life, she'd never known Bonnie to smoke. Stefan seemed to notice something as well, for his attention was no longer focused on Matt but on Bonnie.  
  
Meredith met her halfway. Bonnie was terribly pale but managed a smile. It was obviously forced. Even though she had never been the hugging type, Meredith placed an arm around her slight friend.  
  
"Something wrong?"  
  
"Now what could possibly be wrong?" Bonnie replied, blowing out a smoke ring. She started moving towards Stefan when Caroline called out, "So are you expecting?"  
  
Bonnie didn't so much as crack a smile. "No."  
  
"Good, then have a beer."  
  
Bonnie waited for Caroline to open it and grasped the bottle in trembling fingers. Then she turned her attention to Matt.  
  
No, Meredith corrected herself. She turned toward Matt and Elena. Meredith could see a flash of pain cross over Bonnie's fine features.  
  
Elena looked more than uncomfortable and kept glancing over at Stefan. Matt reached out and tried to brush a lock of hair from her face. Elena stepped away from him and quickly moved towards Stefan.  
  
Matt approached more slowly. Once he reached the group, he had the decency to look mildly uncomfortable when he noticed Stefan and Elena's cool looks, Caroline's smirk, Meredith's raised eyebrows, and Bonnie's carefully controlled expression.  
  
Without one sip, Bonnie placed the drink onto the table and started walking back towards her car. Matt grabbed Bonnie's arm and stared to haul her towards the house.  
  
Once they had disappeared, Elena said, "She saw us?"  
  
"Unfortunately. Matt doesn't have a subtle bone in his body," Meredith said irritably.  
  
"I truly didn't realize that he still-"  
  
Meredith's expression softened. "It's not your fault. We all saw this coming a mile away. So did Bonnie, but she chose to ignore it. Not that this is her fault either."  
  
Elena leant into Stefan and he wrapped an arm around her waist. It was a natural movement to them. It was only then that Meredith noticed the lapis- lazuli ring was back on Elena's finger. 


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to Crashnburn and Askani for reviewing. Your enthusiasm makes writing worthwhile. Cheers!  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Bonnie dug in her heals as soon as Matt closed the front door behind him. He tried to grab her arm but she pulled away.  
  
"Back off Matt," she cried.  
  
"What is your problem?"  
  
It was like he didn't believe anything could be wrong. Can one person actually be that disillusioned? Did he actually believe she would accept being second best? Someone who he had settled with because the prize was already taken?  
  
"None of your concern," she replied. At least, not any longer."  
  
"What do you mean?" he said softly.  
  
"Figure it out."  
  
Bonnie ripped off a thin chain of gold front her neck and threw it at him. Matt slowly bent down to pick it up. He stared at it for a moment longer and clenched it in his hand. She turned around, weaving a little while as she wrenched open the door.  
  
Bonnie was aiming for her car, a hand pressed against her abdomen. She tried to ignore the fact that her joins were screaming in pain and her legs begged her to stop moving and she sit down.  
  
When she reached her door, she braced a hand on the hood and tried to catch her breath. "Not here," she muttered. "Not here."  
  
She could feel Matt approach and with all her strength she spun around and yelled, "Back off."  
  
He abruptly stopped. Then a blast of energy left her body, exploding in a wave that lifted him off his feet and into his own rusty car. Matt stared at her with wide, frightened eyes.  
  
Bonnie knew the others would have seen but she just couldn't deal with them right now.  
  
Ignoring the shout of her name, she turned on the car engine and drove home, feeling a desperate need for a cold shower.  
  
********  
  
Bonnie emerged from the shower in a light, silk bathrobe. Before she entered the room, she knew who was waiting for her.  
  
Meredith and Elena sat on her bed. Elena was fidgeting with her flattened, stuffed bear lovingly called Jeremo. Meredith looked more than concerned. Bonnie then noticed the rumpled folder on her lap.  
  
Bonnie sighed and sat down on her small vanity chair. "So, you know."  
  
Elena wouldn't meet her eyes.  
  
Bonnie smiled tiredly and reached out, capturing her friend's hand. Elena's dark blue eyes met hers and realized that Bonnie didn't blame her.  
  
Bonnie said, "What is the expression? Boys come and go but friends are forever?"  
  
"Bonnie, you know I would never-"  
  
"Of course. Don't you?"  
  
Elena smiled softly, but it died. "When did you find out?"  
  
"Today. Before the party."  
  
"I'm surprised you came, considering everything."  
  
"Well, I wanted to see you and Stefan. It's been quite some time since I've seen you both. And Meredith, I saw you last on Christmas Eve with Alaric and my family. I missed you," Bonnie finished simply.  
  
"How bad are you?" Meredith asked.  
  
"Dr. Wakefield wants to start me on chemo as soon as possible. But, I know there is no point. I can feel it."  
  
"Bonnie you have to try," Elena said. The light of her soul shone through her eyes.  
  
Bonnie stared at Elena and said flatly, "I know there is no point. Don't you remember what my grandmother told me?"  
  
"So what are you going to do?" Meredith asked, sounding tired.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
********  
  
Bonnie sat on her bed, staring out at the night sky. Elena and Meredith had left an hour ago, promising to come see her in the morning.  
  
The thought of tomorrow scared her. It was simply another day closer to death. Elena's word kept bouncing back and forth in her mind. You have to try. In her soul, Bonnie knew that there was hope for her with the cancer treatments. It might prolong her life for another few months, but that wasn't enough. And there was another choice, one that had been on the verge of her mind for two years, one that had been there long before the sudden weight loss and weakness.  
  
Bonnie carefully stood up and shoved her legs into her hipster khakis. She took off her long nightshift and put on a black sleeveless v-neck shirt. And over top a dark-denim jacket. She silently climbed down the stairs, grabbed supplies from the kitchen and shoved them into her backpack, put on her healed black leather boots, and carefully opened the front door.  
  
Stepping outside into the night air, Bonnie started her car and drove towards the old cemetery, hopeful that nothing had been cleaned in the old church since last time she, Meredith, Elena and Matt had climbed down into it to summon Stefan. It was different to go down alone but this time she didn't fear it as much. She was going to die anyways, even if it was sooner due to some creature with long teeth that had a taste for Scottish blood.  
  
She parked her car along the road and pulled out her backpack from the passenger seat. She walked along the path that would take her towards the old church, the detail of the place that would be forever forged in her memory.  
  
After climbing down the rungs, Bonnie removed the flashlight from her teeth and shone it towards the metal doors that had held her friends captive. She was relieved that it still hadn't been cleaned but the blood had been sitting for two years was almost gone. She scraped it off as best she could, taking dirt with it and started to search through the damp litter on the ground. After a half-hour of searching, Bonnie still couldn't find any hair. A little frustrated, she sent out a huff of breath.  
  
Her released of breath stirred a wave of dust and illuminated. The unnatural light shone towards the back of the tomb. Bonnie climbed to her feet and hesitantly approached it. She tentatively bent down to examine the area and saw it, one piece of fine, straight black hair. Bonnie picked it up and carried it over to her backpack.  
  
Unwilling to be interrupted, she had already decided to perform the ritual inside the tomb itself. Careful not to choose the area where Katherine had been killed, Bonnie sat down and started to flip through her witchcraft book given to her by her grandmother for her nineteenth birthday. She didn't have enough hair to use the summoning spell but had just enough for something else. She could use his blood and hair to ask him one simple question, under ten words. It didn't guarantee anything and it would be left up to him.  
  
She constructed a simple circle using white chalk, large enough for her to place herself within. She placed seven white candles along the circle at the same distance. She pulled out a lighter and was careful to light them in proper sequence and with the same flame.  
  
Bonnie had his blood in one hand and hair in another. Burnt the hair in the candle directly in front of her and placed the dried blood and dirt on her tongue. She gathered her power and closed her eyes. The whiff of burnt hair entered her nostrils and she could feel her spirit erupt out of her body and head upwards, through the top of the tomb and high into the night sky.  
  
Faster than thought, her spirit headed south and only seconds later she found herself hovering over him. Damon was smiling brilliantly at a young woman with brown hair and green eyes. She watched him run a long, elegant finger down the face of the young woman.  
  
And then he looked upwards and saw her. Or else simply sensed her presence. She watched him frown and use his powers to probe whatever was above him.  
  
Finally, Bonnie steeled her resolve and said, *I need you. Will you help me?*  
  
Then before he could reply, she was pulled back to her body. She found herself curled into a ball within the circle. The candles were out. Unable as of yet to move, Bonnie closed her eyes and surrendered to exhaustion. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three  
  
Elena waited in the attic room at the boarding house for Stefan to return from feeding. A place she would always remember and cherish. The place where she had ripped down his walls and exposed what was underneath, a love so strong that it brought her back from the dead.  
  
She wiped a tear from her face as soon as she heard the scuff of a shoe on the stairs coming up to the room.  
  
The sight of him made her tremble. His cheeks were flushed from the hunt, his hair windblown into untamed waves. His expression changed when he noticed something was wrong.  
  
"Elena?" he whispered. "What is it?"  
  
"Oh, Stefan," was all she could manage before crumbling into his embrace. She could feel his hands gently caress her hair.  
  
Finally cried out, she whispered, "Bonnie is sick. Dying, in fact."  
  
He looked startled, then sad. "I'm so sorry."  
  
She raised he eyes to meet his and touched his face tenderly. "I'm afraid for her. In a time when she needed support and comfort, the one person who could have given it to her broke her heart."  
  
He examined her face closely, and then said, "There is something else. What?"  
  
Elena stood up, needing to organize her thoughts and place them accordingly. Finally, she made up her mind and turned to face him.  
  
"When I was a vampire, I knew that it wasn't the life for me. It wasn't what I was looking for. It took me too long to realize that I already had what I wanted, you. And yet, even though I know what awaits humanity beyond death, I couldn't bring myself to tell Bonnie that there is life after death."  
  
Stefan's voice was flat. "I won't change her."  
  
"I wasn't asking you to. She never even asked me Stefan and that scares me. It's like she had already accepted her fate and I couldn't handle that. It made me realize a few things. I will die. Tomorrow, next week, or ten years from now wouldn't chance anything. And the thought of being without you scares the hell out of me. You are my life and I will not accept going into the beyond without you. I'm not asking you to change her. I want you to change me. The way it should have happened before that whole mess."  
  
Stefan was speechless. His green eyes were wide and intent. "I don't know-"  
  
"What will you do after I die?" she asked abruptly.  
  
Stefan didn't answer, or wouldn't.  
  
"We have no idea where vampires go after death. Klaus was sent to Hell where he belongs. But are all vampires doomed to eternal darkness?"  
  
"Elena-"  
  
"Stefan, I want to be with you. Be it in Heaven, on Earth or Hell. At least, if one of us dies a vampire then the other will follow. It doesn't matter where we are as long as were together."  
  
Stefan grasped her hand in his and kissed her palm. Without looking at her, he pulled her into his embrace, placed his face against her stomach, and simply breathed in her scent. Her fingers plunged into his hair simply to feel the silken texture between her fingers. He looked up into her eyes and made his decision.  
  
Without breaking his gaze, Stefan stood up and kissed her with a passion that astounded her. It was time to be one in the same.  
  
********  
  
Bonnie awoke and groaned. She raised her head and shook it, trying to make her brain function. What-?  
  
Oh, the spell. She smiled grimly, finally remembering what had driven her to this end. She reached around her awkwardly and her fingers touched a flashlight. She quickly stuffed her supplies in her knapsack and climbed to her feet. She climbed the rungs into the cool morning air and headed towards her car.  
  
She shook her head in despair, as she rounded the corner of her street. Bonnie dreaded this day. She knew that she had to tell her family the truth. And after that, she didn't know. Then again, it wasn't her choice anymore.  
  
She didn't know what had driven her to seek out Damon. He was someone who had tried to feast on her, a person who had made her feel small and insignificant, a person who enjoyed hunting and had killed, a person she had feared for many reasons. And yet, he had come back to Fell's Church to help them, had tried to be dependable despite his obvious differences with them, had risked death itself to save his brother.  
  
He was a friend. A damn sexy friend, she smiled ruefully, but still a friend.  
  
When she parked her car, her father rushed out the front door and wrapped his arms around her. "Where the hell have you been?" he yelled, pushing her backwards and shaking her roughly.  
  
"Dad." There must have been something in her voice because he stopped. "There is something I need to tell you and it's not going to be easy."  
  
"Bonnie, are you-"  
  
"For Christ-sakes, no! Please, dad. Go inside, get mom and call Mary. I only have the strength to say this once."  
  
He nodded once and escorted her inside.  
  
Once the McCullough family still in Fell's church had all gathered in the living room and was watching her intently, Bonnie cleared her throat.  
  
"I have cancer." 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four  
  
It had been a week since she had told her parents the truth. It was the first day that her family had let her out of the house without an escort.  
  
Her mother was still crying herself to sleep. Her father sat in the front room holding a bottomless glass of whisky and smoking cigarettes. He normally lit it and then let it burn all the way to the filter, taking a single puff before it burnt his fingers and then butted it out before reaching for a new one. She hadn't seen him light a smoke in ten years. Then again, she hadn't smoked at all until this strange turn in her life.  
  
Her sister had tried her connections within the hospital and clinic in hopes that something would come available to her. Anything that might save her live was proposed, but all the doctors that had looked at her tests had said the same thing. It was far too late.  
  
Most of her other family was flying in at one time or another.  
  
Bonnie stared down into her strawberry milkshake and felt mildly nauseated. Memories of another time and place echoed back and forth through her mind.  
  
Would it have been better had she died fighting Klaus? At least she would have died for a reason, not simply because her own body was betraying her. She would have died for friends and family, for a love so strong it beat out death and brought two people she cared about back together.  
  
Bonnie did wonder if there was anything out there in the world that she could call her own. If there was someone who would-  
  
Elena walked into the coffee shop and approached her hesitantly. Bonnie could feel the thrum of her friends newly acquired power surge under the fair skin. The lapis lazuli eyes were covered by dark glasses. She hadn't seen anyone but family for the entire week, but wasn't at all surprised that her friend had chosen to become a vampire again.  
  
Bonnie sighed and tried to put on a happy smile. "I'm glad you came."  
  
"I'm sorry. I slept in this morning."  
  
"Busy night?"  
  
Elena shifted uncomfortably.  
  
"I know Elena and I am happy for you. I think you made the right choice. Did it take much convincing?"  
  
"Not that much." Elena grinned sheepishly.  
  
Bonnie couldn't help but stare at her mouth. "Can I ask you something?"  
  
"Sure. Anything."  
  
Depression was something new for Bonnie. Her upbeat attitude was being squashed by fear and self-doubt. And perhaps, a touch of humiliation that Damon hadn't contacted her.  
  
"What is it like to have forever?"  
  
********  
  
Bonnie's cousin Ashley sat next to her bed, looking more than upset. She had just arrived from Scotland with her grandmother, Aunt Beatrice and Uncle Connor.  
  
"I still can't believe this is happening. It's just like grandma said."  
  
Bonnie narrowed her eyes. She held out her hand. "Read my palm."  
  
Ashley stared at her uncomfortably and started to make an excuse to leave.  
  
"Please," Bonnie said, adding a pleading touch to her voice. She'd already learned that that whiny note sent her family running to do anything she wanted.  
  
Ashley hesitated, but eventually and gripped her hand. Bonnie sat up and stared down into her palm. She watched her cousin slowly draw a finger along the ridges and lines of her hand.  
  
"Okay, this is your love-line. This is your lifeline-" Ashley took a deep breath when she noticed how short it was.  
  
Bonnie jerked her hand away, clenched in a tight fist. "Can I be alone for a little while?"  
  
Ashley nodded several times and quickly rushed out of the room, hoping that Bonnie hadn't seen the tears in her eyes.  
  
Bonnie carefully opened up her hand and stared down into it.  
  
Strange, she thought. I don't remember it ever being so short. 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five  
  
"Matt is here," her mother said gently from the doorway. "Do you want to see him?"  
  
Bonnie turned to stare at her mother and sighed. To see or not to see, she thought. That is the question.  
  
She found it incredibly difficult to dredge up any type of energy. It was already difficult enough to force a smile whenever anyone important visited her. Matt had been intelligent enough to keep away from her so far but had still sent several bouquets of roses in various colours despite the obvious friction between them. Bonnie didn't have the heart to throw them away. Plus, it helped to keep the smell of impending doom at bay.  
  
Unbelievably, there is such a smell.  
  
She wasn't sure which was worse: the fact that Damon hadn't shown up to help her or the fact that he hadn't shown up to say goodbye. Her close friends had come to visit every afternoon, full of smiles but the joy never reached their eyes.  
  
Perhaps, the one person who understood Bonnie's suffering was Stefan. He had lived and lost much in his long life. He remained silent but supportive, exactly what she needed. She still hadn't told him she had tried to contact Damon. That was private.  
  
Along with every afternoon meeting, Meredith, Caroline, Elena and Stefan always made sure to say the appropriate thing so that when she did pass away, they wouldn't have the guilt of never saying that she wasn't loved. It was terribly obvious.  
  
It was time to make amends and allow Matt the opportunity to heal. But considering everything that had happened to her, honesty was important.  
  
"Okay," Bonnie said, sighing again.  
  
A blond head poked around the door and he seemed uncertain of his welcome.  
  
Bonnie pulled herself up into a sitting position, leaned against her pillows and crossed her arms.  
  
The expression of self-hatred on his face made her want to laugh. He was blaming her illness on himself.  
  
Like he mattered that much to her, she thought ruefully. She almost snorted but covered it up by clearing her throat.  
  
Matt sat down on the chair placed nearest to the door. His hands were restless and he wouldn't meet her eyes.  
  
"Bonnie, I-"  
  
"Matt, it's all right. We all knew that Elena would always be your love but I figured that once you saw Stefan and her together that you would be intelligent enough to move on. I suppose I was terribly naïve to think that you would be happy with me. I'm obviously not the person you need."  
  
His head sunk a little more. "I'm sorry-"  
  
"I'm not finished. You are also, not what I needed. What I needed was someone who would understand my feelings and be a friend. That is all that I wanted from you."  
  
"I'll always be your friend," he said, risking a quick glance at her eyes.  
  
"I know that Matt. That is why I let you in my room. Don't worry about little old me," she said, bestowing a fake smile upon him. "I'm a fighter and you'd be surprised what lengths I'll go to live a little longer."  
  
"Where does that leave us?"  
  
Bonnie stared at him. "Nowhere. That part of our relationship is over. It's time to rebuild the rest in the time still left to us."  
  
And not much time was left, she thought. Either the inevitable had to be faced or else live in a world of denial.  
  
Matt smiled at her.  
  
"Look, I am feeling kind of tired," she said, trying not to squirm. "Do you mind letting me get some rest?"  
  
"Sure," he said with forced cheerfulness.  
  
Matt got up and patted her foot. Bonnie tried not to grind her teeth when she smiled politely at him.  
  
When he had left the room, she muttered, "I am so full of shit."  
  
********  
  
The clock said 2 a.m.  
  
Bonnie sunk further into her pillows and reached for the remote control, flicking channels until something caught her eye. She stopped at a channel playing an old vampire movie called The Lost Boys. She honestly couldn't help herself and started to laugh at the part where the youngest brother Sam and the Frog brothers went down into the vampire lair on the coast and staked the smallest vampire.  
  
"Making plans?" A soft voice called from the sill of the open window.  
  
Bonnie's eyes widened and she muted the movie. Taking a deep breath, she slowly turned to face Damon.  
  
She swallowed, taking him in while self-consciously touching her dull, lifeless hair. She knew that she looked terribly fragile and beaten down by large brown eyes surrounded by dark circles.  
  
His black eyes narrowed while he stared at her. She could feel his power reach out to touch her body, trying to figure out what was wrong with her.  
  
She smiled weakly and raised a hand to indicate the seat next to her. "I'm glad you came."  
  
"Why," he asked darkly and didn't move. His face was expressionless.  
  
"Because I wanted to see you," she said, feeling her eyes filled with tears. She bit her abundantly trembling lip, unwilling to cry in front of him.  
  
"What do you want Bonnie?" he said coldly. "Why did you call for me?"  
  
Whatever Bonnie had expected, it wasn't this. He could at least act partially happy to see her, she thought angrily.  
  
As she stared into his wary eyes, Bonnie couldn't find the strength to tell him the real reason she had contacted him. Hell, she'd even forgotten why she had asked for him in the whole mess of dying.  
  
While she stared at him, Bonnie knew that she couldn't ask him anymore. It was a betrayal to what he meant to her. How could she ask him, when in truth it was an insult. She wondered if anyone had simply asked Damon to be there for support, when most only wanted something from him.  
  
Well, it was time to try, to see what was beneath that layer of black leather and skin.  
  
She steeled her resolve and met his eyes. "Look, Damon. This is hard for me to say, but about three weeks ago I found out, I had leukemia. I've made amends and seen everyone in my life that has some meaning to me. Everyone except you, that is. Please, would you stop staring at me like that and sit down?"  
  
He gracefully sat down in the chair next to her bed. "Can anything be done?"  
  
"No," she replied simply. She could feel his eyes on her, daring her to ask him. She would be damned to even try to form the sentence.  
  
"Why am I here?" he asked again.  
  
"Look, despite everything that happened between us, I still care about you. I just thought you might like to say goodbye to an old friend, that's all."  
  
She could feel her face flame up at the lie but when she really thought About it, it was true. And for the first time in her life, at this strange junction between life and death, she didn't fear his intensions toward her. It no longer mattered and with that, Bonnie took the necessary step to place their relationship on the next level. Damon was a friend and she would treat him as she would any friend.  
  
She lifted the bowl of popcorn from her lap and propelled it in his direction. "Popcorn?"  
  
"No, thank you."  
  
"Here, have a soda." She reached down beside her bed and pulled out an ice cold Pepsi from the mini-fridge her father had bought Bonnie to stop her from descending the stairs to the kitchen. She opened it and handed it to him.  
  
He just stared at it like it was something alien.  
  
Still holding out the drink to him, Bonnie said, "Look to make this easier on you, consider spending time with me as a last request. We both know that you Salvatore boys are suckers for dying women's last requests."  
  
Bonnie could feel his sudden spark of amusement and she fought back the first genuine smile that tried to form itself on her lips.  
  
"You can't be serious," he said quietly.  
  
"Just drink the damned Pepsi and watch the movie with me," she growled.  
  
Damon shrugged out of his jacket and rested his feet on her bed. His soft black boots looked more expensive than her parent's entire entertainment centre located on the main floor.  
  
Bonnie returned the sound to the movie just in time to see the master vampire be staked by a fence post.  
  
"You do realize that the probability of that actually working is quite minimal," Bonnie said, in fact, while popping an extra salted kernel into her mouth. "I mean, who's to say that a rather large fence post would have actually managed to fly out of a speeding truck after it crashed into a house and strike the master vampire in the perfect spot."  
  
"Really," Damon said, sounding like she was a complete idiot.  
  
"Just didn't want you to get scared," Bonnie added, glancing at him from the corner of her eye.  
  
He shook his head and tentatively sipped the Pepsi.  
  
"Well?" Bonnie asked, cocking an eyebrow.  
  
"I prefer coca-cola," Damon replied smoothly, setting the can on her dresser.  
  
"Who doesn't? I just don't have the heart to tell my mother yet. I'd offer you something else, but you know, I kind of need it right now and I'm rather fond of my family."  
  
"I've eaten."  
  
Bonnie swallowed thickly. "Well, all the better then."  
  
"Bonnie-"  
  
"I'm glad you came," she interrupted. "No matter what." She looked down at her skeletal fingers and fiddled with the ring her grandmother had given her. "You wouldn't mind keeping me company, would you? I kind of like having someone with me who has fought off death for a few centuries."  
  
"I'd have thought you would have preferred Stefan to me," Damon said, staring at the movie credits.  
  
"No offence, but he can be a little bit of a downer."  
  
Damon snorted in amusement. "Finally, someone besides me has noticed."  
  
Bonnie shakily reached out a hand and grasped his. Even to Bonnie, she realized her grip had lost much of its strength. "Please?"  
  
He stared down at her hand and slowly turned his palm up and grasped hers before bringing her knuckles up to his lips. His cool breath raised the hairs on the back of her neck just before he kissed her hand.  
  
Bonnie ignored the answering warmth in her stomach that followed that kiss.  
  
Just then, the theme for Night of the Living Dead came on. Bonnie shifted more comfortably into her pillows, glad to have his support.  
  
"Don't forget to finish your Pepsi," she said, stuffing a handful of popcorn into her mouth in an attempt to hold in a snicker.  
  
In resignation, he lifted the can again and took another sip.  
  
At some point during the night, Bonnie had slowly sunk off into sleep. It was in the last moment of awareness that she realized that Damon was only then removing her hand from his. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six  
  
Bonnie stared uncomfortably at her second cousin Phil. She knew how difficult this whole situation should be for him considering the fact that he had recently lost his sister.  
  
The hushed comments about how Poppy had gotten better before passing away made her fell even more depressed. She learned about how Poppy's mother had come home to find that her daughter had died while she and her second husband had been out for dinner. And Bonnie could sense an unresolved guilt about how she hadn't been there to see her daughter through.  
  
But Phil just sat there, making no comment and simply staring at the wall. Something wasn't right.  
  
And when someone made a hushed comment about how Bonnie was looking tired, he met her eyes and smiled apologetically. She smiled back at him and jerked her head towards the sliding door that led out onto the balcony.  
  
With effort, Bonnie climbed to her feet and ignored her mother's comments about how she should be resting. Phil closed the door behind them and rested his arms on the railing next to her. He settled his old high school football jacket around her shoulders.  
  
"How are you holding up?" he asked softly.  
  
Bonnie smiled self-mockingly. "I'd be better if everyone would simply start letting me live in the time I have left."  
  
He lifted an eyebrow questioningly.  
  
"I'm so damned bored I considered taking up cross-stitch."  
  
Phil laughed shortly and squeezed her hand. "You seem to be doing okay."  
  
Bonnie said a little shyly, "Well, I was visited by a friend last night who is behaving exactly as I want everyone else to."  
  
"Your mom didn't mention anything about a late night visitor," Phil said after a frown.  
  
Bonnie hummed and hawed, finally decided to tell him. "She doesn't know. No one does and I'd appreciate it if you kept it to yourself."  
  
"Fine by me. Anything to make my favourite second-cousin smile."  
  
"I'm glad you came down from Los Angeles. And I am sorry about Poppy." Bonnie smiled in memory. "Remember when the family rented out that cabin on the lake and we ambushed you on the dock."  
  
"How can I forget? You do realize how damn cold that water was, don't you?"  
  
"Of course. That was why we did it."  
  
He laughed and said, "If Poppy were here, I'm sure she'd know what to say to make you feel better."  
  
"Your mom looks tired," Bonnie added, envisioning her mother after her own death.  
  
Phil sighed and turned his back to the backyard, facing into the house. "It's been a rough four years."  
  
"You look like you survived the maelstrom," Bonnie said, tentatively.  
  
"I know that wherever Poppy is she is happy."  
  
Bonnie turned to stare at him questioningly. Her own psychic senses told her the same, but she asked anyways. "How are you so sure?"  
  
Phil winked at her conspiratorially.  
  
A voice interrupted before she could ask him what he meant. "Bonnie," her mother called from the doorway, "don't you think it might be better to come inside and sit down?"  
  
Phil rolled his eyes and fought back a smile.  
  
"No, mom. I don't think wind is going to kill me."  
  
"I'm just trying to be-"  
  
Bonnie softened her voice and tried to make up for her harsh response. "I know, mom. Don't worry about me. I'm stronger that I look."  
  
Her mother forced a smile, and closed the door.  
  
"Do you want to go for a ride?" Phil asked abruptly.  
  
"I honestly don't think my mom is going to agree to that."  
  
"Who says we have to tell her anything? And besides, there is something I want to show you."  
  
Bonnie grinned and followed him down the deck stairs, around the paved walkway to the front of the house. He opened the passenger door for her and closed it behind him. He then rushed around to open his door and gunned the engine.  
  
Bonnie could hear her mom calling but before her guilt took hold, Phil slammed the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. Her mom rushed around the corner and waved her hands to get their attention.  
  
"Drive," Bonnie said, pulling her curled hair out of a messy ponytail.  
  
"Yes, ma'am."  
  
Phil shifted the car into first gear and drove down the street.  
  
********  
  
Bonnie hadn't been to the old high school in years. The building was closed for the summer and only one other car was parked in the lot. An Integra.  
  
Phil parked the car in front of the building and turned off the engine. Bonnie opened the door, and breathed in cool, brisk air. She closed her eyes and savoured the sensation. A rustle of leaves caught her attention and she turned to stare at the base of an old tree that lined the parking lot. She looked up the into the autumn foliage and saw . . .  
  
Phil's voice drew interrupted her line of thought and she rushed over to him. Well, as fast as she could anyways.  
  
"Is there an easy way into this place?" he asked while pulling on the locked doors.  
  
Bonnie crossed her arms and stared at him. "Why, may I ask dear cousin?"  
  
He smiled, lifting his eyebrows up and down a few times.  
  
She sighed, resigning herself to pure disaster. "The window that leads into the basement of the gym has a faulty lock on it. We can climb in through there."  
  
He followed her around the side of the school and opened up the window. He went in first and helped her inside.  
  
It was pitch black and Phil stumbled around a little, cursing when he fell over some boxes but eventually poor, artificial light illuminated the room. Bonnie stared uncomfortably toward the old Halloween decorations from a certain druid sacrificial scene she had the unfortunate honour of participating in.  
  
Then again, it also the beginning of a wonder and horror beyond her wildest dreams.  
  
"Hey Bonnie, where the hell is the science lab?" Phil asked, while they wondered the dimly lit corridors.  
  
She eyed him. "Planning to concoct a miracle cure?"  
  
Phil shrugged his shoulders and said, "Maybe."  
  
Bonnie led him towards the classroom until she heard voices. And felt a presence she once believed gone from her reach.  
  
She ran around the corner, flinging open the door.  
  
Poppy was sitting next to a boy around seventeen. He was handsome with dark brown hair. He spun around in a defensive crouch when the door slammed into the wall but recovered quickly once he realized Phil and Bonnie were hardly a threat.  
  
Poppy hadn't aged a day since her sixteenth birthday.  
  
She had a type of impish beauty that was mildly frightening. But that didn't stop Bonnie from releasing a kind of strangled squeal that Poppy imitated, despite the obvious shrillness that made her companion cringe.  
  
They flung themselves into each other's arms, laughing and crying at the same time. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven  
  
"Oh, Bonnie. I've missed you so much!" Poppy cried into her shoulder.  
  
Bonnie pushed back her younger cousin and smiled through her tears. Then she frowned once she realized a small problem with this whole meeting. "Aren't you supposed to be dead?"  
  
Poppy turned to stare at the boy who was standing next to her. He nodded and moved forward to offer Bonnie his left hand.  
  
"I'm sorry. Bonnie, this is my soulmate, James Rasmussen. He is the reason I'm alive today."  
  
Bonnie took his hand, feeling mildly dazed. Soulmate? Then her psychic senses took hold of her and she narrowed her eyes at him, then at Poppy.  
  
She smirked once she realized the irony of it all. "I can't believe this," she muttered.  
  
Poppy was completely taken back. Phil was frowning.  
  
James realized first, dropping her hand. "She knows about vampires," he said quietly.  
  
"She does," Bonnie said with a self-satisfied smile.  
  
Poppy stared at her in amazement. A grin slowly spread across her face. "Then we won't have to explain anything!"  
  
"I've already told you the incredible risk she might be taking with this," James said, voice stern when he faced his soulmate.  
  
Bonnie could see an old argument starting to rise between them.  
  
"I don't care! You have no idea what it feels like to know you're going to die. I do. If given a choice of death or life, I'm sure she'd choose life."  
  
"She's too old for it, Poppy," James said, not giving one inch.  
  
"I think it would be worth the risk." Poppy's chin rose up, demonstrating the McCullough blood that came from her father's mother.  
  
"Look-" James began, pointing a finger at his soulmate. Poppy was shaking with frustration and anger. Phil looked like he was about to laugh in disbelief; obviously, he had never seen them fight before. Bonnie was just getting a little annoyed about being the cause of an argument but not part of it.  
  
"Enough!" Bonnie yelled. They both turned to stare at her.  
  
Phil came up behind her, schooling his face into an appropriate expression.  
  
"First of all, enough of this. It's my life on the line here and I don't appreciate people arguing over something I've never even been asked about. Secondly, what do you mean too old? I've met a vampire who was turned around the same age as I am now"  
  
James smirked. "Obviously, he lied to you. That could only be true if he is lamia."  
  
"Lamia?" Bonnie asked.  
  
"Born a vampire," James said irritably.  
  
Now Bonnie was mad. "No. He. Is. Not. Lamia." She wasn't sure if it was an anger formed from her illness or the fact that James was calling Damon a liar. Nobody knew what Damon was, but he was not a liar. Well, Bonnie considered, most of the time he wasn't. He might lie to protect himself but not when it was important.  
  
"Look, Bonnie," Poppy said in a soothing voice, "forget what we are arguing about. We're offering you a chance to live. Do you want it?"  
  
Bonnie sat down in a plastic chair and placed her head in her hands.  
  
Phil knelt down in front of her and gripped her shoulders. "Bonnie?" he asked.  
  
"No," she said softly.  
  
"What?" Poppy yelled. "You can't actually mean that. Look, ignore James. It's a chance. How can you give up so easily?"  
  
"It has absolutely nothing to do with giving up," Bonnie replied, looking up at her distant-cousin. "I want to live but I won't be turned like this."  
  
Poppy stared at her. "Bonnie, there is only one way to do it."  
  
James smiled in understanding. "You mean that neither Poppy or me would be your first choice."  
  
"Buddy, neither of you even made the list."  
  
"How many are on it?" Phil asked, partially taken back.  
  
Bonnie smiled self-mockingly. "One."  
  
"And does this person know?" James ventured cautiously.  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, ask." Poppy said.  
  
"It's not that simple. It would be a betrayal of what he means to me."  
  
Poppy cocked her head. "More than a friend?"  
  
"Only for me," Bonnie said with a depressed sigh. "Look, I do appreciate you both coming down here to help me. And I'm very glad you survived, Poppy. But, honestly, this just doesn't feel right."  
  
"But Bonnie-" Poppy began.  
  
"It's finished, Poppy," James said soothingly. "The choice has been made."  
  
TBC 


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Inner Turmoil Part 8/? Author: Lady Grimms Email: ladygrimms@hotmail.com  
  
Chapter Eight:  
  
Poppy sighed dramatically and rolled her eyes. "You always were the stubborn one."  
  
Bonnie smirked. "Well, I am a full McCullough."  
  
Poppy braced her hands on her lips and cocked her head to the side "Was that a jab at my bloodline?"  
  
"I would never do something like that." Bonnie batted her eyelashes innocently.  
  
"Shall we get home? Your mom is going to be furious," Phil reminded her.  
  
"I suppose. Plus, Ashley is in town," Bonnie said brightly.  
  
"Serious?" Poppy's shoulders slumped. "I miss her."  
  
James wrapped an arm around Poppy and squeezed gently. "We'll escort you two to your car."  
  
Bonnie walked silently behind the three people who had tried to save her life and failed. She stared at James' arm around Poppy's waist longingly, wishing that someone would care for her that intently. A soulmate. Her grandmother had once explained their purpose, the meaning behind finding someone who was your exact match.  
  
Most people settled in life, never taking the time to search the ends of the earth to find someone who truly suited them. Were soulmates really destined to meet or was it simply dumb luck?  
  
Stefan and Elena? Definitely soulmates. How else could they have been able to be together despite death? Meredith and Alaric? Maybe.  
  
Bonnie smiled self-mockingly. And what of Bonnie and Damon? How did one know if another person was a soul mate? Her grandmother had explained a sense of knowing, seeing inside the other person's mind. Bonnie had glimpsed Damon's mind from afar, that one night in the clearing. The longing, anger and confusion he had felt when staring at the couple on the ground. What that simply her powers or something else?  
  
She would sure as hell never ask him. He'd probably stare at her like she'd grown another head. Or laugh himself silly. This was Damon. A man who had seen the world, been partners with most likely the most beautiful women in the universe. What could Bonnie offer him? Not much. Depression. Loneliness. Fear of the unknown. A wicked sense of humour and a desire to have fun. Someone who would always be loyal and true.  
  
She had never found anyone worth her time, and neither had he. Was it worth the risk to have her heart exposed then ripped apart if he rejected her?  
  
Then again, she had offered him something that no one else had. Pure friendship. Was that enough or the beginning of something else?  
  
There might be hope for her yet, she thought mockingly.  
  
She stepped out into the cool night air, and inhaled sharply. Premonition asserted itself a second too late as someone grabbed her by the arm and pressed something sharp against her throat.  
  
There were three cars parked in the school lot. And one looked surprisingly like Tyler Smallwood's convertible. But it wasn't Tyler who held her, for Tyler was lounging on his auto, looking like he had just won the lottery.  
  
Bonnie heard James mutter something low. It sounded a lot like low class mutt.  
  
"Well, well, well. Look what we have here," Tyler said softly. "It seems to me like we just found ourselves some daybreakers."  
  
The man holding Bonnie snickered softly. Four other men circled James and Poppy, effectively subduing them without much of a struggle. They were obviously powerful and moved like vampires. The one holding Bonnie felt like something more. It felt dark and menacing. It frightened her in a way she couldn't explain. He was a vampire and terribly old.  
  
"Something wrong McCullough?" Tyler asked.  
  
"Tyler, what the hell are you doing?" she hissed.  
  
"Leave it alone, Bonnie. This doesn't concern you," James said. He then turned to address the other men. "Leave the humans alone. They have nothing to do with this."  
  
"Too late for that, daybreaker." Tyler took a step away from the car. "You should have stayed in Los Vegas where it was safe. Luckily for us, I've been a part of the night world for a few years now. And nicely informed circle midnight of the strange goings on in this community."  
  
Poppy called out. "Bonnie and Phil are witches. They have a right to know about us. Why are you doing this? We have done nothing wrong."  
  
"We've received orders to destroy anything and anyone who supports that crap about unity."  
  
*Let go of me you creep,* Poppy shouted with mind and voice at the mind holding her. He stumbled but another struck her in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground.  
  
James snarled, teeth bared. He grabbed the man holding him, flipped him onto his back, and snapped his neck. A crossbow appeared out of Tyler's jacket and before Bonnie could warm him, the trigger was hit and a bolt struck James in the shoulder.  
  
Phil cried out but there was nothing he could do. He was only human and was useless.  
  
Bonnie watched the scene with growing horror. It grew even larger when the men turned their full attention on her and smiled. It was at that moment that she realized that they wanted her.  
  
"What do you want?" she whispered.  
  
The man holding her said softly, "Tyler has informed us of the extent of your gift. Premonition. We have uses for you. Time to take a ride, witch."  
  
He started to shove her towards the car when a voice echoed through the wind, cold and arrogant. "Let her go."  
  
Damon stepped out from the shadows, menace roiling off him in waves.  
  
"Jesus," James whispered, eyes wide and fixed on the vampire. He seemed terribly afraid, as did everyone else.  
  
What was going on? Bonnie wondered.  
  
For a moment, Bonnie felt the hand on her arm tremble before she felt the knife prick into her skin. Either sweat or blood trickled down her neck. Bonnie wasn't sure which.  
  
"Back off," the man snarled.  
  
A small whimper escaped Bonnie's lips.  
  
Damon's eyes went impossibly darker, and the man holding her froze. He shook his head twice, released her and stared at the knife in his hands.  
  
Damon smiled at the same moment the man shoved the knife into his own chest.  
  
The rest was almost too fast for her to see. Tyler raised the crossbow to aim at Damon but he was too slow, the bolt missed the vampire and Tyler found himself flying head first into his own windshield. The other vampires rushed Damon in a wave but he killed each one efficiently, and effectively. None of them were any match for him.  
  
Bonnie dropped to her knees, eyes wide. She couldn't feel the gravel dig into her knees, or make a coherent thought.  
  
Damon casually walked up to her and crouched down.  
  
She couldn't sense anything from him. It was like he had built a wall to block her senses.  
  
She stared up into his unreadable night dark eyes for a moment before passing out cold.  
  
TBC 


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Inner Turmoil Part 9/? Author: Lady Grimms Email: ladygrimms@hotmail.com  
  
Chapter Nine:  
  
Bonnie fell in and out of consciousness for the next few days. Some scenes were etched in shadows, images of faces and movements blurring to form dreams or realities that she could not place. And nothing coalesced into anything that made sense.  
  
Her mind felt tired, body weak but finally, three days after the incident at the school, Bonnie opened her eyes to a white room. She flinched at the sharp pain in her arm and looked down to see an IV. She brushed her fingers against the tube and her eyes followed it to the bag filled with clear liquid.  
  
There were distorted voices from the hallway, none that she recognized.  
  
Soft artificial lights lighted the room. To her right was a room with a bathroom, and to her left was a single shelf covered in medical syringes, gauze and bottles labelled with varying medical jargon.  
  
The room started to spin again until a soft touch brought her back into reality. She slowly turned her head to meet night dark eyes that watched her curiously.  
  
"Feeling better?"  
  
She stared at him a moment before answering. "I-I don't know. What happened?"  
  
Damon smirked and said, "Nothing I couldn't handle."  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked, confused.  
  
"Keeping a promise to a friend," he said engagingly. "I must say that this place isn't exactly where I had imagined to spend a Friday evening."  
  
Bonnie laughed, but it fizzled and died. "Is everyone okay?"  
  
Damon raised an eyebrow and propped his feet up onto the bed, leaning back into his chair. "You mean the two lamia you were speaking to?" His voice was filled with distain. "I must say that, I don't understand why you would want to affiliate yourself with any of their kind."  
  
"Excuse me? One of their kind is my cousin and-" Bonnie did a double take. "Did you fall on your head, or something? You are a vampire."  
  
Damon's gaze darkened. "It would be wise not to affiliate me or anyone of my order to night world society."  
  
"What the hell is the night world?"  
  
He spoke without emotion. "Apparently, it is a place where werewolves, lamia and witches live together in hopes of ruling the world as we know it."  
  
"Damon-"  
  
"Listen, for I will only say this once. As in any species, there are different breeds of vampires. Personally, I believe it an insult that lamia would ever be considered in the same sentence as vampires."  
  
"James mentioned something about being born a vampire."  
  
Damon's lips curled. "Lamia were made by magic, thus can be undone by it. The first true vampires are the originals like Klaus. My brother and I are true vampires, while James and your cousin are not. If anyone would take the time to actually research the spell that made lamia and reverse it, then all the made lamia would die and all born lamia would return human. Lamia can walk in sunlight and can have children. In all, they are human but simply live off of blood."  
  
Bonnie noticed that not once had Damon said Poppy's name. It appeared that her sprightly cousin had found herself in the same category as Stefan. "Why were they afraid of you?"  
  
"The blood of the originals is terribly potent. Our kind can be incredibly powerful. Everyone except for my pathetic little brother, of course. As with any true power, we have limitations. Sunlight is our greatest threat, hence the use of the stone lapis-lazuli."  
  
Bonnie was terribly intrigued. "Then if any of you wanted, you could eliminate the threat of the night world."  
  
He shrugged. "If we wanted but it would be beneath us, and extremely boring."  
  
"But Damon-"  
  
He raised a hand for silence. "Enough of this. We have something else to discuss."  
  
Her eyes narrowed. "Like what?"  
  
"You are dying, my dear witch."  
  
"No shit."  
  
Exasperation flashed across his features. "I have an offer for you."  
  
"Like?"  
  
"I can save your life. We both know the real reason I'm here. You can lie all you want but your intensions were very clear when you contacted me. Your thoughts were open for my perusal. And still are, I might add."  
  
Bonnie felt completely and utterly cornered. She wished hopelessly to crawl into her stomach and hide.  
  
"Bonnie, you didn't actually pass out. In all honesty, you died."  
  
A trickle of fear found its way up her spine. "What?"  
  
"You were revived but have been in a coma for the last three days. The doctors don't believe you will last through the week. I've done all I can to keep your irritating cousin Poppy from trying to change you. Her blood would not have saved you. Mine can. Do you want my help or not?"  
  
"Not exactly very subtle are you?"  
  
"A waste of time and effort."  
  
"How much of my thoughts can you read?"  
  
Damon smiled. "Enough."  
  
Bonnie fought hopelessly with her pride and finally found a shred of courage. "And?"  
  
He didn't drop his eyes from hers. "I can't answer that."  
  
Dismay and pain flooded her soul, and she fought back tears. "I see."  
  
"I have wondered the earth for centuries and in that time, I have never found anyone worth an eternity. The principle of a soulmate is intriguing but you have to understand that it is a night world term."  
  
A flare of hope simmered. "And what of your brother and Elena?"  
  
He shook his head, obviously annoyed. "Fair enough. They may belong together but there has been no evidence that we do. I care for you as a friend. We both know that there have been moments where we have both crossed that line but that doesn't necessarily mean anything."  
  
Bonnie watched Damon intently and considered something. "Does that mean you might be willing to explore the possibility?"  
  
"As long as you don't will it to be more than I am capable of giving."  
  
"Always up for a good time?"  
  
He smiled again. "Pleasure is a much-maligned feeling."  
  
Bonnie extended her hand and felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up when he linked their fingers. He stared at their entwined hands for a moment before raising his eyes to hers.  
  
"Then we have an understanding?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
TBC 


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Inner Turmoil Part 10/? Author: Lady Grimms Email: ladygrimms@hotmail.com  
  
Chapter Ten:  
  
Bonnie tried not to squirm under his gaze, but the prospect of simply having a chance with Damon made his proposition worthwhile. It created uneasy warmth that began at her stomach and flowed through to her limbs.  
  
He released her hand and looked around the room. "I'm afraid that this is going to be fairly difficult. In order for you to become a vampire, you will have to let go of this life. And in doing so you will have to die to all those around you."  
  
She bit her lip. "What do you propose we do? Perhaps I should find a way to- ."  
  
"I agree with your opinion of leaving the hospital. Although, I have more suitable living arrangements if you are willing."  
  
Bonnie smiled mischievously. "And where would you propose?"  
  
He eyed her and taped a finger against her bottom lip. "In most cases, I prefer anywhere private where we can enjoy the after affects."  
  
Bonnie's mouth dropped open.  
  
Damon winked at her. "Unfortunately, your energy levels aren't up to par to deal afterward. In the mean time, I'll take you home and you can pack whatever is of value. Your family are all in the cafeteria, after a sudden yearning for inedible foods. I'll make sure they know where to find you."  
  
Bonnie swung her legs out of the bed, wincing when the IV pulled on her arm. She glared at it. Damon reached down and felt along side the tube. He wrenched it out quickly, and lifted her arm to his mouth, licking the wound.  
  
She shivered with delight and watched it heal.  
  
He pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around her body. She cuddled up in the leather and watched him walk across the room and unlock the door. He grabbed hold of her right arm to help her walk.  
  
It was a strange journey through the hospital hallways, and even odder when she noticed how weak her limbs has become. Simple walking now left her exhausted, although her psychic senses picked up everything. She could feel the thrum of Damon's power beneath his skin, flowing in rhythm with his body. And she could sense Stefan's weak life force coming from the second floor cafeteria as he comforted Meredith. Elena wasn't sitting with Bonnie's family, but she remained hidden in the shadows, watching them with sympathy.  
  
The blast cold, outside air seemed to rip through her clothing when they stepped out into the night. He escorted her to his car, a black, sleek jaguar.  
  
"So, can I drive?" she asked.  
  
In reply, he opened the passenger door. She slid into the leather with a sigh of pure pleasure, and began to examine all the buttons and knobs that made up the stereo.  
  
A whiff of expensive cologne met her senses when Damon took his seat and started the engine. As it purred to life, Bonnie felt a mild curiosity to find out how much money Damon actually had.  
  
They didn't speak for the drive. Bonnie being too preoccupied with how she was going to manage to fake her own death, while silently pondering how to bring up her energy levels in order to make Damon reconsider his decision.  
  
He stopped the car in front of her house. Once Bonnie realized she didn't have the keys to open the door, Damon reached forward and snapped the lock. Bonnie was too nervous to feel annoyed.  
  
She grabbed an old suitcase from the front closet and began packing it with clothes, and little knick-knacks that only had value to her. She changed into a pair of jeans and white sleeveless shirt, trying not to take notice that Damon was in the room. She pulled back on his jacket, feeling chilled. It didn't help.  
  
When she reached for her purse, Damon told her not to bother. "I have enough money," he said simply.  
  
She shrugged and struggled to close the top of the suitcase. He shooed her aside, closed and lifted it with an ease that made her wonder how strong he actually was. She always knew he was much stronger and faster than a human, but now she began to consider how strong a protector he would be.  
  
Even if they weren't made for each other, Bonnie knew that he would always watch her back.  
  
"What?" he asked, sounding annoyed.  
  
It was then that Bonnie realized she was staring at him. "Nothing. I think that is everything."  
  
"Fair enough," he replied.  
  
He carried it down the stairs, while Bonnie bundled up her hospital garb and walked into the spare room, where Phil was sleeping. She folded it, and put it on the bed. At least, he would realize what it would mean.  
  
Bonnie then proceeded to walk down the stairs and out the front door to where Damon was waiting.  
  
TBC 


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Inner Turmoil Part 11/? Author: Lady Grimms Email: ladygrimms@hotmail.com  
  
Chapter Eleven:  
  
Bonnie stood in the grand hallway of what must be the more exquisite house she had ever been in. It was something taken right out of lifestyles of the rich and famous.  
  
Damon dumped her suitcase at the base of the stairs. She laid his jacket on a chair by the front door, unsure of what to say or do.  
  
This was the moment. She made a run for her life, hopeful that it would be enough to save it.  
  
He walked up to her, and took her hand. He escorted her up the stairs, and down a long hallway, past several closed doors until they reached a set of double doors that could only be the master suite.  
  
He opened it and motioned her to enter into the blackness. She obeyed but felt a little unnerved that she couldn't see anything.  
  
Bonnie took a step back only to find her back running into something solid.  
  
At first, she thought it was the door, but when hands touched her arms and slowly ran up to her shoulders, she knew.  
  
She could feel the light rush of warm air when his breath touched her throat, followed by cool lips like silk. She closed her eyes and savoured the feeling as he slowly ran his lips in a line up to her chin, ear then into her hair as he breathed in her scent.  
  
Candles flickered to life, illuminating the room with a soft white light.  
  
Glass doors were off to the right, leading into a lush garden with a sculpted pond. She could hear the soft chatter of water as it fell from the hands of a smiling roman woman and into the waters below.  
  
"Follow me," he said softly, startling her when he spoke.  
  
She obeyed, and Damon led her to an attached bathroom with a sunken tub. Black double sinks set in marble; the faucets were a strange deep maroon with golden accents. The shower and tub were both done in the style as the counter. She wanted to slip into the tub and stay there for eternity.  
  
Damon being her total body sponge, of course.  
  
"I thought you might want to wash up."  
  
She grinned up at him, and said, "Do you mind if I have a bath?"  
  
"Anything you wish, cara mia." He hesitated and then caught her chin in his hand, lifting her chin slightly to brush his lips against hers. "I'll be back later."  
  
She wanted to look into those dark eyes forever.  
  
He turned and left, closing the door softly behind him.  
  
Bonnie stood still for a moment, dazed until the pull of the tub forced her to move. She quickly shed her clothing, wrapping her body in a plush towel. She sat on the edge of the tub and turned on the water, feeling for the perfect temperature. She poured in a powder that smelled like lavender and watched the bubbles build.  
  
Once everything was perfect, she discarded the towel and sunk into the water, feeling like she had just fallen into heaven. She lifted a leg to rest on the edge, and noticed a bottle of red wine sitting with a single glass. Below it was a single card with her name written.  
  
She uncorked it, and poured a large glass. She sipped it, revelling in the smooth taste. Obviously, Damon spared no expense for himself or any woman he claimed for an evening.  
  
She must have lain in the tub for an hour. To her dismay, the one paltry glass of wine went straight to her head, leaving it spinning but quite content.  
  
The water started to loose its attraction as it cooled, and Bonnie was sure her skin was mirroring the appearance of a prune. She climbed out of the tub, pulling the drain out and stepped out onto a bathmat. She swayed and fell towards the wall, but managed to catch herself before she ended up a heap on Damon's floor.  
  
She slowly bent down to pick up the towel and dried herself. After she secured the towel around her body, she left the bathroom, feeling a little odd.  
  
Bonnie sat down on the bed, fully aware that no one but herself was in the house. Damon had left. She shrugged, not caring. He had sat he'd be back, and she believed him.  
  
Hair still wet, she discarded the towel and slipped into the sheets, absently noting that they were silk and fell asleep.  
  
********  
  
Bonnie awoke to someone sitting next to her. She blinked her eyes, trying to focus.  
  
The bedside lamp turned on, illuminating sharp features and black, straight hair.  
  
"Hey," she said sleepily. "Have a nice trip?"  
  
Damon raised an eyebrow in amusement, but something was troubling him. "Perhaps."  
  
She snorted in disgust. She'd probably have to beat a straight answer out of him.  
  
He leaned down so his lips were almost touching hers. "I'd like to see you try."  
  
Her eyes widened slightly, and she laughed. She reached up and wrapped her arms around him neck.  
  
"I can do more that try, Damon Salvatore," she said smugly and pressed her lips firmly against his.  
  
His own arms snaked around her body and he pulled her into his lap. They kissed softly but with urgency. His hands began to roam from her back to her front, making her shiver in pleasure when they caressed her breasts.  
  
Without breaking the kiss, Bonnie unwound her arms from Damon's neck and moved them down to remove his shirt, her own hands desperately wanting to clench at his flesh. But as she tried to move, her limbs felt incredibly tired.  
  
He had to help her but soon her worries were forgotten as she had the pleasure of feeling skin against skin.  
  
He lifted her, her legs automatically wrapping around his waist. He laid her back down on the bed while he nibbled at the edge of her lips. When his weight descended on her, she thought perhaps she had wandered into a dream, one of many fantasies. His hands moved fervidly down to pull her hips, pulling her body closer.  
  
She wanted more but silken lips were already travelling down to her throat.  
  
We fit well together, she thought as his teeth broke through. The world became pure pleasure as he drank but reality also wavered. Her thoughts were jumbled, skipping from her youth to graduation, to the horror of dying. To Stefan lying helplessly under the threat of Klaus; to Damon kissing her at Alaric's first party.  
  
There was no light in reality, nothing to see but the dark. A terrible wrench in her chest made her aware enough that she had to fight to hold onto her body, as her soul slowly began to drift.  
  
*Damon*, she thought desperately. *I can't-*  
  
*Don't worry*, he replied. His voice sounded reassuring but with an edge of fear.  
  
When his blood flowed down her throat, she couldn't feel or see anything. And yet, there were flashes of his own mental images. Searching the streets of Fell's Church. Eyeing a young woman with red hair walking down the street and then . . .  
  
But it was too late to understand the rest. The world was too hard to keep hold and she floated into the darkness.  
  
TBC 


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Inner Turmoil Part 12/? Author: Lady Grimms Email: ladygrimms@hotmail.com  
  
Chapter Twelve:  
  
The darkness had no ending. Time had no meaning. There was no light, no comfort. And yet, something pulled at her. She wandered aimlessly, trying to find it but there was no path to follow, simply that never-ending feeling that something was waiting for her.  
  
She released a cry of despair, only to feel something grab her by the ankle and pull downwards. She struggled against it, but it was much stronger. She snarled in frustration, striking out at anything.  
  
Let me go. Let me go. Let me go.  
  
Her fingers curved, revealing dagger sharp nails. She brought her hand down and met flesh.  
  
Light invaded her senses as her eyes flew open to reveal one annoyed man pinning her arms above her head. She snarled again, revealing pointed teeth as she struggled against her captor.  
  
Let me go. Let me go. Let me go.  
  
Recognition came the moment his head turned, revealing dark eyes and hair. Fine features damaged by four red lines streaming blood running along his aristocratic face. She stopped struggling, and simply stared at the red.  
  
The lines were already starting to fade.  
  
Her captor seemed to sense that she had finally found some sense, and he released her, but was still on guard.  
  
She sat up, and tilted her head. Her eyes met his narrowed ones, and she slowly leant forward and ran her lips along the small cuts. A tongue snaked from her lips and licked the excess blood.  
  
He pulled back, and caught her chin. His eyes bored into hers until finally, a small smile curved the right side of his mouth. "I brought a present for you, Bonnie."  
  
Is that who I am, she thought? Bonnie? It didn't matter.  
  
Her eyes lowered to rest on the hand he had extended, an unspoken offer. She took it, and was pulled to her feet. She followed him a few steps until looking down at herself. He pulled her forward before realizing that she had stopped moving.  
  
"Problem?" he asked innocently.  
  
She waited a moment, not saying anything. Of course, there was a problem. She was naked.  
  
He sighed and walked toward the walk in closet. He emerged a moment later, carrying a long sleeved buttoned shirt, and a pair of silk boxers. She took them and put them on, then followed him down the stairs and into the front room.  
  
The floor was cold against her bare soles. He walked into a room through a vaulted ceiling, and flipped on light. A rather large television took up much of one wall, surrounded by a multitude of speakers and sub-woofers. It was more a theatre than a room to watch bad talk shows.  
  
She hesitated when she noticed an unfamiliar young man sitting on a chair, staring vacantly toward the blank screen. This wasn't right, but it didn't matter because he was beckoning to her.  
  
Come here, he said with his mind.  
  
She approached cautiously as he lifted the dazed human's chin. "Drink here," he said, running a finger along the neckline. Annoyance flashed across his features when she simply stared at the human stupidly.  
  
This time when he ran his finger across, a line appeared on the humans skin. A rush of blood followed and this time Bonnie knew what he meant.  
  
Her head lowered slowly, lips covering the entire wound so no blood would be wasted. Then instinct took over and she bit, hard. Her victim winced, but didn't move again otherwise. His heart was slowing, following her rhythm.  
  
A hand slowly pried her off.  
  
The blood entered her body, opening a valve in her mind and a small trickle of memory found its way free.  
  
Bonnie straightened and stared at the dark eyed man again. "Damon," she said with a small smile.  
  
"Feeling better?" he asked, watching her start to move around the room.  
  
"Maybe," she replied. Truthfully, her muscles were already surging with renewed strength as she walked the length of the house once and then turned to go back. Her feet faltered when she noticed that the blinds were still closed despite daylight peeking in through the small openings. That frightened her.  
  
A dark presence approached her from behind. Cool, silken lips touched her throat, while hands wrapped around her waist, sliding under her shirt. She leant into the touch, and smiled in anticipation.  
  
********  
  
Bonnie awoke to a heavy arm draped over her stomach. She blinked and turned to stare at the man sleeping next to her.  
  
Must have been a fun night, she thought. She brushed a hand against his forehead, lifting a dark lock away from his eyes.  
  
"First rule of my household," Damon said coldly, eyes still shut tight. "Never wake me after an afternoon of sex."  
  
Bonnie smiled wryly and lifted a hand. Turning it back and forth, the first thing she noticed was that the lack of energy was gone. It looked the same but wasn't. Her psychic senses were highly attuned to all movement in the house.  
  
There were mice scuffling outside in the garden, the shift of drapes in wind from an open window on the main level. A low moan from the main floor as someone shifted in an uneasy sleep.  
  
"What the-" she began, sitting up in alarm.  
  
Damon sighed in annoyance and finally opened his eyes. "You had to eat something."  
  
"You mean-" she began then stopped in mid-sentence. After clearing her throat, she said, "Well, at least he's not dead."  
  
Damon smirked, and said, "Not all our victims are so lucky. Some are worth the kill."  
  
Bonnie stared at him for a moment. Her initial shock faded as she considered his words. Some are worth killing. In all honesty, what he said was true. Rapists, killers, molesters all deserved death.  
  
"What now?" she said, clearing her throat. "How am I supposed to fake my death if I'm already a vampire? I hope I don't have to let myself be buried."  
  
"That was taken care of, youngling."  
  
The way he said it made Bonnie realize that it was supposed to be a statement left unquestioned. But it was her right to know.  
  
"How?" she asked, and then understood. "That red-haired woman you attacked."  
  
Damon seemed partially shocked. "How did you know?"  
  
"I saw it when we exchanged blood."  
  
"I see."  
  
"But she looked nothing like me apart from the red hair," Bonnie protested.  
  
"All you need to know is that a woman was found dead and identified by her family to be a Miss Bonnie McCullough. Her body was cremated and will be buried on Wednesday."  
  
Before, Bonnie would have been disgusted with his ease of talking of murder. But there was something in Damon that was not evil. If he killed, he had good reason. "Was she worth it?"  
  
He smiled dreamily in remembrance. "Indeed. Had her husband murdered for insurance money."  
  
"Indeed," Bonnie said, returning the smile. Then realization hit. She was dead, her family was already grieving their loss and she was laughing at their pain.  
  
A hand went to her mouth, trying to cover the tremble. Finally overwrought with emotion, she turned and burrowed her face into Damon's neck.  
  
His arms wrapped around her hesitantly, as if unsure how to deal with such emotion. Finally, he understood that all she need was a little comfort.  
  
TBC 


	13. Chapter 13

Sigh. After many nights of guilt, I've finally managed to finish Inner Turmoil. Thanks to everyone who supported me through the story. I do plan on editing the entire thing and placing it on Twilight Tales and repost it on Fanfiction.net. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and reminded me to get my act in gear. Cheers.  
  
Now it's time to finish Those Long Forgotten. Mutter, mutter..  
  
Title: Inner Turmoil Part 13/13 Author: Lady Grimms Email: ladygrimms@hotmail.com  
  
Chapter Thirteen:  
  
Bonnie took the time to watch her family sleeping from afar. She grieved for them, for what she had lost. But there truly was nothing more she could do for them or herself. She was meant to die. The silent reassurances she sent in their dreamless slumber did nothing to alleviate the pain her death had caused.  
  
Perhaps the hardest thing of all was avoiding detection from Stefan and Elena. Bonnie had yet to decide when and how to break the news to her friends that she was involved with Damon. As good as Damon's intensions were, there was always the underlying pleasure he would derive from it. Stefan would be the first to point it out.  
  
She owned Damon a lot. And wouldn't bring him more grief from people who had such trouble understanding him. Not that she did either, but at least she'd had a glimpse. Elena had taken a step forward; Stefan still needed a good kick in the rear. And when Damon gave her the okay, she'd be the first to put on her cleats.  
  
She still didn't understand the connection between her and Damon. It was partly physical; there was no denying that. But she cared deeply for him, her fear had long ago withered and died. And it wasn't her imagination that she could feel his night dark eyes on her while they slept. Both were looking for something in this world and she hoped they would find it in each other. If not, then it would still be one hell of a ride.  
  
It was time to let go of the past and move on with her future. Still too weak to shift, she strolled through the streets of Fell's Church and headed for the schoolyard. Glad that the night was young and the townsfolk were nestled into their beds, unaware of the vampire roaming the streets. The presence she sought was already there. Surrounding him were Poppy and James.  
  
Bonnie watched them for a while from the shadows, tasting the undercurrent of their discussion. Poppy had been crying; James did his duty to console her. Bonnie could feel Damon's irritation from a nearby. He had no regard for Night World citizens, but she was glad he'd allowed her to say her goodbyes.  
  
Bonnie stepped out and approached them silently.  
  
James saw her first, eyes widening slightly. He glanced around the clearing for Damon, but couldn't see the crow watching from a distance. Poppy was next, staring at her, obviously afraid. An uncomfortable silence descended. Bonnie couldn't change what she was and they couldn't help their instinctive fear.  
  
It was Phil took the first stumbling step forward. He embraced her tightly. "I'm so glad you're here," he whispered into her hair. He, at least, understood that what who and what you are should be different things.  
  
She laughed softly, carefully wrapping her arms around him. "Me too."  
  
She felt crow eyes burrow into her back, making sure she knew not to take too long. It was coming time to feed. Her skin felt tight, senses more acute to the flow of blood running through Phil's veins. But he had nothing to fear from her.  
  
Phil pulled back, a wry smile on his face. "Convinced him, did you? I must say it was quite a choice you made. That guy scared the shit out of me."  
  
Bonnie winked at him and turned to Poppy. Her younger cousin smiled tentatively and said, "Welcome to the Night World."  
  
"I don't think so," she replied. She felt the familiar dark presence off to the left, too far to read lips. She mouthed, "Maybe later." Glad to see Poppy relaxed.  
  
*Bonnie, I can read your thoughts.*  
  
*Damn it, Damon. Get out of my head!*  
  
Bonnie pulled Poppy into a strong embrace, ignoring the younger woman's discomfort. "I'll keep in touch," Bonnie said. Her gaze shifted to Phil. "Don't change your email address."  
  
He nodded. Bonnie could feel Damon's impatience. It was time to go.  
  
"We would really appreciate your help, Bonnie." Poppy said softly.  
  
Bonnie noticed the emphasis on "your". "We're a package, Poppy. And he's not so bad once you get to know him."  
  
Poppy didn't look convinced. Phil just looked wary. Understandable considering it was Damon. The three said their goodbyes and moved to leave. James turned and met her eyes, a ferocious glint in his silver gaze.  
  
"Smallwood is still alive."  
  
Bonnie stared at him. Apparently, lamia could be just a bloodthirsty. Poppy glanced at her soulmate, confused. James smiled reassuringly at her. She didn't look convinced. Poppy didn't completely understand what it meant to be the hunter. Or rather, didn't have the instinct for revenge. James was stronger than she gave him credit.  
  
She watched them drive off. Powerful arms wrapped around her waist, scent of leather and cologne, lips nuzzled her neck.  
  
"Smallwood survived his encounter with you?" she said, savouring the touch.  
  
Damon sighed. "This isn't some Night World crap, is it?"  
  
Bonnie smiled. "Nah. I just wanted to give him my thanks for all he has done for us. It's time someone reminded him that the town belongs to the Fells. He's done enough damage here. If our intentions mix slightly with Night World, so be it. I'd rather he be dead than endanger me again or anyone I care for."  
  
"I see you've already picked our feeding ground for the night."  
  
Bonnie flashed an indulgent smile his way. "Perhaps."  
  
The End 


	14. Comments Page

This is not an update!  
  
In response to the requests for a sequel: I have no plans, though I am doing some rewriting on it (fix grammar, add more to make it less jumpy). My efforts are going to be put toward Those Long Forgotten. From there, I'll have to see what my B/D muse has to say. Miserable faerie has other ideas that are bouncing around continuously. Some short, some longer. I'm glad you've all enjoyed my story. I hope you will continue reading my work when it pops up at FanFiction.net.  
  
Take Care,  
  
Lady Grimms  
  
********  
  
Yamino Tamashii: I have plans to continue writing for years! In heart, mind and soul, I am a writer! Now if only someone will publish my original work . . .  
  
SpanishGoddess86: You'll see more of B/D in Those Long Forgotten (if you are interested). No ideas for a sequel so far. I'll keep everyone posted.  
  
Insane Dragoness: Glad you liked it!  
  
Redaura: Glad you liked my Damon! He was so hard. Miserable, arrogant, mysterious, etc.. 


End file.
